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"Lady, do I look like a bleeping babysitter?"
"He nearly died."
"Yeah, because he's a fool. There's no known cure for that." (Chapter 6)

— Carl Hiaasen Chomp (2012)

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More quotes by Carl Hiaasen

A Ph.D. in microbiology is not necessary to grasp the concept: Clean water is good. Poopy water is bad.

I try not to stand on a soapbox and scream. That's boring. You've got to be funny sometimes. All my humor comes from anger. Satire is terrific therapy. Making people laugh is a joy, but making them think about something serious is the ultimate reward.

The dog proved to be as dumb and stubborn as a mud fence, so Stranahan had named him Strom. (Chapter 2)

Skinny Dip (2004)

"I know you're not a stupid person, so why would you ask such a stunningly stupid question?" (Chapter 28)

Squeeze Me (2020)

"In my business, fear is a sane and very healthy emotion. That's because death and disaster aren't abstractions. They're as goddamn real as real can be." (Chapter 5)

Lucky You (1997)

All Carl Hiaasen quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Carl Hiaasen (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.