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We don't WANT to drink and drive ... But there's no other way to get the fucking CAR back to the HOUSE!! How are we supposed to get fucking home??!!

— Sam Kinison HBO Special (1985)

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More quotes by Sam Kinison

"I just got shot in the ass with an infected load of semen! Who's the smart-ass?"

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

HBO Special (1985)

"They beat us, they beat us, they made us do their BLOW!

"Here's my man! It doesn't have to stay out and party with his guys!" "Here, let me see that...It doesn't seem to be able to pick up the fucking check, does it?"

There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"

HBO Special (1985)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Sam Kinison (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.