Winter's here, and you feel lousy: You're coughing and sneezing; your muscles ache; your nose is an active mucus volcano. These symptoms -- so familiar at this time of year -- can mean only one thing: Tiny fanged snails are eating your brain.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Dave Barry (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.