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Now, The Archers is not a programme I’m hugely familiar with, because every time the theme music comes on, I leap across the kitchen with an athleticism I don’t actually possess, in search of the “fuck off” button on the radio. I gather it’s about some people who are very, very worried about getting the crisps to the fete on time. No wonder everybody's hooked.

— Dylan Moran Yeah, Yeah (2011)

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More quotes by Dylan Moran

The belief system that if you smiled hard enough into the face of God, you would eventually shit money.

Yeah, Yeah (2011)

They have sheets of ham so large that if you bite out the middle, you've saved yourself the price of a poncho.

Like, Totally (2006)

It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs.

Like, Totally (2006)

You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!

What It Is (2009)

"This is our Smeg fridge, the whole house is made of Smeg. We're made of Smeg, aren't we, Roy?" "Yes, dear."

Monster (2004)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Dylan Moran (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.