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But in today’s world, when truth conflicts with narrative, it’s the truth that has to apologize. Being woke is like a magic moral time machine, where you judge everybody against what you imagine you would have done in 1066, and you always win.

— Bill Maher New Rules: A United Theory of Wokness (2022)

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If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.

Is it really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

Did you know that of the 14 states with the highest number of painkiller prescriptions per person, they all went for Trump?

Work in the fields? Senator, I'm a house nigga.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Bill Maher (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.