Bill Maher Quotes

born 1956 United States

William Maher, Jr. (born 20 January 1956) is an American comedian, actor, writer and producer. He regularly hosts the HBO series Real Time with Bill Maher.

United States
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Also known as: Maher, Bill

Random Bill Maher quote

87 quotes

If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.

Is it really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

Did you know that of the 14 states with the highest number of painkiller prescriptions per person, they all went for Trump?

Work in the fields? Senator, I'm a house nigga.

That’s nuts, it’s just silly, it’s just virtue signaling.

Bill Maher: Trump is winning. I’m stick of winning (2021)

They're out there, they’re thinking it, they’re just afraid to say it. But that’s changing. It’ll be the new gay marriage.

Why do we allow the people who just want to bitch to always win?

The Woke Olympics (2021)

The events of January 6th [2021] were a faith-based initiative, and Trumpism is a Christian nationalist movement. Magical religious thinking is a virus, and QAnon is just its current mutation.

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake — you know, to send the right message to kids.

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

The Decider (2007)

It's so slim Kate Moss uses it to cut her cocaine.

History is complicated and Gen Z reasoning is not. They think that they are pure, but they are really just simplistic.

I am so tired of rearranging my life around what the stupidest people might do.

The Golden Goose Special (1997)

The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?

The Golden Goose Special (1997)

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

But I'm Not Wrong (2010)

In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something.

That's America for you — a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald's, Marlboro and K Street.

I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider — and also FOX News makes people stupider.

Larry King Live interview (2010)

Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.

New Rule: Float Like Obama, Sting Like Ali (2009)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Bill Maher (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.