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Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake — you know, to send the right message to kids.

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More quotes by Bill Maher

If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.

Is it really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

Did you know that of the 14 states with the highest number of painkiller prescriptions per person, they all went for Trump?

Work in the fields? Senator, I'm a house nigga.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Bill Maher (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.