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Like all fairy tales, the story of Sleeping Beauty begins with "Once upon a time," and continues with a foolish young princess who makes a witch very angry, and then takes a nap until her boyfriend wakes her up with a kiss and insists on getting married, at which point the story ends with the phrase "happily ever after."

— Daniel Handler The Hostile Hospital (2001)

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More quotes by Daniel Handler

Miracles are like meatballs because nobody knows what they are made of, where they came from, or how often they should appear.

The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)

As the aphorism says, If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography (2002)

My stepfather said that the amount of treachery in this world is enormous and that the best we could do was one small noble thing.

The Grim Grotto (2004)

For Beatrice— No one could extinguish my love, or your house.

The Penultimate Peril (2005)

People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Daniel Handler (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.