73 quotes
Miracles are like meatballs because nobody knows what they are made of, where they came from, or how often they should appear.
The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)
As the aphorism says, If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography (2002)
My stepfather said that the amount of treachery in this world is enormous and that the best we could do was one small noble thing.
The Grim Grotto (2004)
For Beatrice— No one could extinguish my love, or your house.
The Penultimate Peril (2005)
People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.
Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.
The Slippery Slope (2003)
That's always where the love goes, with somebody else away from me.
Adverbs (2006)
This world is suchier than we are, and the best thing to do is keep moving and find your keys.
Adverbs (2006)
With the cloth off its cage, the snake began to uncoil itself and slither around its home.
The Reptile Room (1999)
One of the most troublesome things in life is that what you do or do not want has very little to do with what does or does not happen.
The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)
All love gets over, and we must get over it.
Adverbs (2006)
All four of them have completely abandoned one another.
Adverbs (2006)
Because of the information discussed on page nine, experts now suspect that there may in fact be one survivor of the fire, but the survivor's whereabouts are unknown.
The Hostile Hospital (2001)
God, or somebody, what is it with terrible things? If you made this world why not a better one?
Adverbs (2006)
The right boys I always toss and the wrong ones I keep on top of me like paperweights.
Adverbs (2006)
For Beatrice— Our love broke my heart, and stopped yours.
The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)
The sad truth is that the truth is sad.
The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)
It's hard for decent people to stay angry at someone who has burst into tears, which is why it is often a good idea to burst into tears if a decent person is yelling at you.
The Carnivorous Carnival (2002)
This is love, moving to where the money is, and all the while a volcano or an ex-girlfriend might blow the whole thing to hell, as the Americans say. As everybody says.
Adverbs (2006)
Love can smack you like a seagull, and pour all over your feet like junkmail. You can't be ready for such a thing any more than salt water taffy gets you ready for the ocean.
Adverbs (2006)