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(Bartender Harry) How can you tell the male bird from the female bird? (Sylvia) He's the one with the furrowed brow; she's the happy-go-lucky one....He's the one reading the sports page; she's the one with 12 pairs of tiny shoes. (Harry) I don't have time for this.

— Nicole Hollander

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More quotes by Nicole Hollander

(Sylvia) There’s not enough coffee in the whole world to turn me into a functional human being.

(Woman organizing picnic) Most normal people would agree that pizza is nature's perfect food, right?

(Woman to psychic) Which do you think is the more impossible dream: the perfect man or the perfect handbag?

(Sylvia at typewriter) A lady never offers a new lover a complimentary tooth brush, razor and sewing kit the next morning.

(Sylvia at typewriter) For feminine protection, every day use a hand grenade.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Nicole Hollander (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.