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You ask women, “You know how painful is it? What are talking about here?” And you don’t get an answer, you get anger...and it always starts with the melon...“IMAGINE A MELON!...COMING THROUGH YOUR FACE!...fuckin' stay there, I’ll get a melon!”

— Dylan Moran What It Is (2009)

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More quotes by Dylan Moran

The belief system that if you smiled hard enough into the face of God, you would eventually shit money.

Yeah, Yeah (2011)

They have sheets of ham so large that if you bite out the middle, you've saved yourself the price of a poncho.

Like, Totally (2006)

It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs.

Like, Totally (2006)

You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!

What It Is (2009)

"This is our Smeg fridge, the whole house is made of Smeg. We're made of Smeg, aren't we, Roy?" "Yes, dear."

Monster (2004)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Dylan Moran (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.