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Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

— George Carlin A Place for My Stuff (1981)

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More quotes by George Carlin

Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit.

Brain Droppings (1997)

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're tired.

It's Bad for Ya (2008)

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

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Men accept servility in order to acquire wealth; as if they could acquire anything of their own when they cannot even assert that they belong to themselves.

Étienne de La Boétie Discourse on Voluntary Servitude (1548)

Health is the greatest gift, contentment is the greatest wealth, a trusted friend is the best relative, Nibbana is the greatest bliss.

Gautama Buddha

Opulence is always the result of theft, if not committed by the actual possessor, then by his predecessor.

Jerome The Cry for Justice (1915)

Bourgeois society is ruled by equivalence. It makes the dissimilar comparable by reducing it to abstract quantities. To the Enlightenment, that which does not reduce to numbers, and ultimately to the one, becomes illusion.

Max Horkheimer Dialektik der Aufklärung [Dialectic of Enlightenment (1944)

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: George Carlin (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.