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So let me ask you something: how's everybody doing tonight, huh? (audience cheers) Good, well, fuck you! Just trying to make you feel at home.

— George Carlin You Are All Diseased (1999)

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More quotes by George Carlin

Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit.

Brain Droppings (1997)

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're tired.

It's Bad for Ya (2008)

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

All George Carlin quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: George Carlin (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.