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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he'd have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.

— Bill Maher The Golden Goose Special (1997)

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If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.

Is it really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Bill Maher (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.