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Maltesers have the less-fattening centre. Well, yes, but they are covered in chocolate! That's like saying 'I'll have a mineral water, please. Can you put some cubes of lard in it?'

— Linda Smith Packet of Three Channel 4 (1991)

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More quotes by Linda Smith

You should always book tradesmen by personal recommendation.

If God wanted us to believe in him, he'd exist.

People knock ASBOs but you have to bear in mind they are the only qualification some of these kids are going to get.

People say 'Ooh, doesn't Lionel Blair look good for his age?' Well, no, not really – not unless he's about five hundred. Otherwise he looks like nothing more than an elaborately coiffured scrotum.

Packet of Three Channel 4 (1991)

Rugby is a game for men with no fear of brain injury.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Linda Smith (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.