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It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus.

— Chelsea Handler Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (2008)

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More quotes by Chelsea Handler

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (2008)

He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.

Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (2008)

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Chelsea Handler (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.