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This book is dedicated to everybody who buys this book. Without you, I would have to get an actual job.

— Dave Barry I'll Mature When I'm Dead (2010)

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More quotes by Dave Barry

Sharks are hardy creatures, but they do not thrive on public transportation.

I'll Mature When I'm Dead (2010)

First of all, let's dispense with this absurd stereotype that the French are rude. The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you.

Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (1991)

• Under Florida’s “stand your ground” law, it is legal to shoot anybody for any reason as long as you are standing on the ground.

Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)

• More than 1,000 people move to Florida every day.

Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)

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Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man.

Francis Bacon Meditationes sacræ (1597)

It is not in the books of the Philosophers, but in the religious symbolism of the Ancients, that we must look for the footprints of Science, and re-discover the Mysteries of Knowledge.

Albert Pike Morals and Dogma of the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry (1871)

There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches.

Ray Bradbury Fahrenheit 451 (1953)

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

Logan Pearsall Smith Afterthoughts (1931)

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Dave Barry (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.