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My dong is super-friendly and loves getting rubbed by children. #CareerEndingTwitterTypos

— Patton Oswalt

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Love

More quotes by Patton Oswalt

In this age of cynicism, bipartisanship and personal cowardice, it's refreshing to find a group of people willing to die for what they believe.

We're science: we're all about coulda, not shoulda!

If the standard for being impeached is "getting a blowjob" or "covering up a burglary", then shouldn't Bush have been executed by now?

Werewolves and Lollipops (2007)

The angry "@" tweets from my hammer toed followers opened my eyes. "Pedo-phobe" shaming hurts us all. I am a PROUD pedophile!

During the "first Thanksgiving" at Plymouth, Wampanoag Indians - including a Patuxet Indian named Squanto - helped teach Pilgrims how to farm, fish, and hunt and shared the bounty of that first feast. A tradition that continues today and Jesus and 9/11.

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Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind.

William Shakespeare A Midsummer Night's Dream (1595)

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.

Bertrand Russell Marriage and Morals (1929)

Not for the body, but for the heart; companion and company are needed.

Sanu Sharma

Love seldom haunts the breast where learning lies,
And Venus sets ere Mercury can rise.

Alexander Pope

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Patton Oswalt (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.