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I gave her an unmistakable "I want to fuck you" look, she shot me back a quick "My spine hurts" face, and I was smitten.

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More quotes by Tucker Max

Nose full of fart, mouth full of cock, she never even paused.

Hey man, so can you speak to dolphins and pilot whales with that forehead of yours?

I'm sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.

You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.

9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.'

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Tucker Max (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.