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Russell Brand Quotes

born 1975 England

Russell Edward Brand (born 4 June 1975) is an English comedian, radio DJ, television presenter, newspaper columnist, and occasional actor. Serious allegations of Brand's illegal conduct towards women were reported by the media in September 2023, followed by criminal charges against the performer in April and December 2025.

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Random Russell Brand quote

64 quotes

The first time Tim Westwood did that chestbump to me, I ended up sort of cuddling his arm.

This is Hollywood, mate. People bring chihuahuas round!

Radio 2 Show (2007)

All prophecies stripped of acculturation and geographic ornamentation seem only to be saying, "Journey within; look behind your feelings, beyond your pain; fashion your world from what you find there."

Revolution (2014)

Have you ever tried to argue with someone who doesn’t want anything from you? It’s hard. Have you ever noticed in a row with someone that no longer loves you that you have no recourse? No tools with which to bargain.

Revolution (2014)

I'll riverdance while that's happening, 'cause it seems to be what I naturally do anyway.

Radio 2 Show (2007)

Let's send actual love to Robbie Williams. Get well England's Rose. One day at a time old bean. Ooh, those bloody drugs!

Brit Awards (2007)

I believe Finland's economy is based on Moomin juice.

Radio 2 Show (2007)

I've looked right through the Bible, start to finish, looking for the bit saying 'Jesus was the mind behind Ikea', then there's no evidence to suggest this at all.

I love the BBC, it's a gorgeous organisation and it's just 'cos it's got vaguely socialist state-run tendencies that people like bloody old Rupert Murdoch coat it off in the Sun, and it's gotta stop!

Radio 2 Show (2007)

Should we stick with the Goth Detectives from when we won last year? Where's our trophy?

Big Fat Quiz of the Year (2007)

After the revolution we will be broadcasting constant messages into a microchip inside your brains. It's gonna be great!

Radio 2 Show (2007)

When I was poor and complained about inequality they said I was bitter; now that I’m rich and I complain about inequality they say I’m a hypocrite.

Revolution (2014)

You know, the relationships we 'ave, everything sort of bubbles under the surface. No one ever says what they actually mean, do they? It's all a bit pappy and rubbish.

RE:Brand (2002)

I've done another triangle. I'm f—ing a little kid. This is great. F–k the kid with the triangle. No that's too much.

Appearance with Richard Herring (2013)

A pound shop Enoch Powell

Question Time (2014)

[After a boxing match in which Brand punched his father hard enough for the older man to fall to his knees] Shall we go down the pub and chat up some birds? Do something we're both good at?

RE:Brand (2002)

Serenity is the first thing people with addiction issues are instructed to request: God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

Revolution (2014)

[On chat-up lines]
Well, stick around love, cos I've got worse. The worst being, simply, "Get in the van."

Shame [Live DVD (2006)

That's right middle America, I loves Jemus!

Radio 2 Show (2007)

When my dad left, you know, I'd give my mum hell sometimes, but really she's the one that stayed, isn't she? Poor cow, she didn't need that kind of aggravation.

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Russell Brand (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.