15 quotes
In the food department, practically nothing remains constant except catsup.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
Bread is aerated sawdust, painted ghostly white. It owns all the nutriment of a breath of its principal ingredient, air.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
Restaurants? You stumble by accident, in search of a beer and а sammidge, into some dive and run onto the damnedest cuisine since the first cannibal discovered a recipe for braised missionary.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
I have visited friends—reasonably affluent, and of dissimilar sexes—in what the real-estate racket calls "luxury housing," and have fled in horrified relief to a goathide tent in Timbuktu.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
I acquired a castle in Spain. The rain in Spain falls mainly on my brain, because the roof is porous.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
Allegedly, electricity runs а variety of things, like vacuum cleaners that bust, television sets that explode, and lights that burn out. I admit its existence, but I don't really believe in it.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
Dinnertime, and the living is greasy.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
[M]odern sucker civilization, in which, basically, most things that are not worth doing are done badly.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
Some of the conversations from next door, upstairs and downstairs would make an interesting addendum for the memoirs of Christine Keeler. You can hear beds squeak all round; you can hear toilets flush. On a clear day, you can hear a cockroach belch.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
[T]hat commodity Ben Franklin trapped in a precursor to the Coca-Cola bottle.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
Another dissatisfied mortal writes: "I am reminded of a TV set that a company wanted me to try, free of charge, for a couple of months; the case was made of extruded white plastic, ugly as a Tasmanian devil, with a plastic white clock stuck on it like a second eye."
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
I was sitting with a young lady one night, with the television turned up to drown out the screams of the rape victims, when a chap who was hanging a picture next door broke completely through the wall! And this, friends, in the high-rent district.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
Only choice between the brand-spankers and the reconverts is to live in the suburbs, and that means trains. Oy vay.
Trains. The trouble with train people is that they think they are still living in an early Harriman era. They think they are still in the railroad business.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
I bear scars on wrist and soul from being chewed by а leopard who would have been dead if my gun's ammunition had fulfilled its basic purpose. But we picked the buckshot out of the cat's hide like currants from a bun. I choked the leopard to death with the shotgun, which doesn't work anymore.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)
[T]he cold consommé was hot and half-melted, the liver came straight out of a synthetic-testing lab, and the whipped cream on the strawberry shortcake was purest Rise. The strawberries were made of genuine artificial coloring.
Nothing Works and Nobody Cares (1965)