19 quotes
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world.
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Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
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A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
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Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs, there'd be no place to put it all.
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More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
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What bothers me about television is that it takes our minds off our minds.
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Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
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Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.
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Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
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Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery it's a pen that scratches.
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