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Robert Orben Quotes

1927–2023 United States

Robert Orben (March 4, 1927 – February 2, 2023) was an American magician and professional comedy writer. He is also an author of books for magicians.

United States
Humorists
Magicians

Random Robert Orben quote

38 quotes

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?

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A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

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Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.

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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs, there'd be no place to put it all.

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More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

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If you can laugh together, you can work together.

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You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.

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I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

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What bothers me about television is that it takes our minds off our minds.

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Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

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Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

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Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

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A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.

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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

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Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

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Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

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Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery it's a pen that scratches.

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Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Robert Orben (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.