135 quotes
Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.
The Liberty Manifesto (1993)
I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.
Holidays in Hell (1989)
Industrialization came to England but has since left.
Republican Party Reptile (1987)
I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books.
Holidays in Hell (1989)
The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.
Holidays in Hell (1989)
I'm a registered Republican and consider socialism a violation of the American principle that you shouldn't stick your nose in other people's business except to make a buck.
Republican Party Reptile (1987)
If the politics of disease are to be understood, particularly in the dreadful countries where this understanding is most needed, then the politics of total collapse have to be understood first.
All the Trouble in the World (1994)
It had never occurred to us that the Kremlin's new anti-booze campaign would apply to journalists. Now, that's a human-rights violation.
Holidays in Hell (1989)
In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.
All the Trouble in the World (1994)
Two key rules of Third World travel: 1. Never run out of whiskey. 2. Never run out of whiskey.
All the Trouble in the World (1994)
The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborghini to the Grand Prix track to watch the charter buses race.
Holidays in Hell (1989)
Being gloomy is easier than being cheerful. Anybody can say "I've got cancer" and get a rise out of a crowd. But how many of us can do five minutes of good stand-up comedy?
All the Trouble in the World (1994)
Traffic was like a bad dog. It wasn't important to look both ways when crossing the street; it was important to not show fear.
All the Trouble in the World (1994)
The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
Parliament of Whores (1991)
Fishing ... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.
Republican Party Reptile (1987)
Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country. So maybe he owes all of us an apology...
Parliament of Whores (1991)
Imagine a weight-loss program at the end of which, instead of better health, good looks, and hot romantic prospects, you die. Somalia had become just this kind of spa.
All the Trouble in the World (1994)
War is a great asshole magnet.
All the Trouble in the World (1994)
Marijuana never kicks down your door in the middle of the night. Marijuana never locks up sick and dying people, does not suppress medical research, does not peek in bedroom windows. Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana prohibition has done far more harm to far more people than marijuana ever could.
Despite the fact that meat is made from dead animals, it shouldn't smell that way. Try this test for meat freshness: close your eyes and see if you can tell the pork chops from a gym locker.
The Bachelor Home Companion (1986)