353 quotes
A pessimist is one who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.
Disputed
If England treats her criminals the way she has treated me, she doesn't deserve to have any.
Attributed
I think Oscar Wilde said, "Everything in human life is really about sex, except sex. Sex is about power."
Attributed
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Misattributed
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
Attributed
When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.
Disputed
An Irish gentleman is someone who can play the bagpipes but won’t.
Misattributed
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Disputed
Why was I born with such contemporaries?
Misattributed George Bernard Shaw Preface to The Dark Lady of the Sonnets (1910)
Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
Misattributed
Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Already Taken.
Misattributed Anonymous advertising copywriter for Menards chain of hardware stores (2000)
True friends stab you in the front.
Disputed
God knows; I won't be an Oxford don anyhow. I'll be a poet, a writer, a dramatist. Somehow or other I'll be famous, and if not famous, I'll be notorious. Or perhaps I'll lead the life of pleasure for a time and then—who knows?—rest and do nothing. What does Plato say is the highest end that man can attain here below? To sit down and contemplate the good. Perhaps that will be the end of me too.
Attributed