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Larry the Cable Guy Quotes
born 1963 United States
Daniel Lawrence Whitney (born February 17, 1963), better known by the stage name Larry the Cable Guy, is an American stand-up comedian and actor. He is one of the co-stars of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which also includes Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, and Ron White, with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV.
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28 quotes
I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"
Morning Constitutions (2007)
At first I didn't even realize she was pregnant. I kinda gotten used to her throwing up every time we had sex...
Morning Constitutions (2007)
I'll tell ya the one thing you don't wanna buy at the dollar store - toilet paper. (laughs) I might as well have just used the dollar.
Tailgate Party (2009)
I used to be a bitch. I met her at Hooters. She didn't have big boobs, but she could turn her head in a circle just like an owl. (p. 2).
Have you noticed lately how video games are getting way more sexually explicit and violent? I really gotta buy me one of them games! (p. 197).
I like to hunt. We went to a nuclear power plant and hunted in the woods next to it. I got a 34-point rabbit in there. We always go at night. It's easier. All the critters glow in the dark out there.
Morning Constitutions (2007)
Oh like you never did that before! Every man - every man has done this! Just tuck your weiner between your legs, run around your house, lookit at yourself in the mirror, and say, "Oh, hey there, I'm Roseanne!" You know, like on the Rosie O'Fatass show.
I got so pissed I took a little poll to see if anyone was sick of gettin' taxed as much as I am. I called 100 people one night and here's the results: everyone I polled said, "You dumb ass, it's three o'clock in the morning!" (p. 131).