98 quotes
Prejudice iz a hous plant which iz very apt tew wither if yu take it out doors amungst pholks.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Their is one advantage in a plurality of wifes; tha fite each other, insted ov their husbands.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Mankind loves misterys--a hole in the ground, excites mor wonder than a star in the heavens.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I think that a hen who undertakes tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarily neglekt sum other branch ov bizzness.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I hope i shall never hav so much reputashun that i shan't feel obliged to be alwus civil.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Rather than not hav faith in enny thing, i am willing tew be beat 9 times out ov 10.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I had rather be a pot-bellied seed cowcumber, flung carelessly on a wood pile to ripen, than tew be an old bachelor.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Them folks who are sudden, aint apt tew be solid; lively streams are alwus shallow.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I kno plenty ov folks who are so kondem kontrary, that if they should fall into the river, they would insist uopon floating up stream.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Genuine grief iz like penitence, not klamorous but subdued; sorrow from the hous tops and penitence in a market place shows more ambishun than piety.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Common sense is the favorite daughter of Reason, and altho thare are menny other wimmin more attraktive for a time, thare is nothing but death kan rob common sense ov her buty
The Complete Works of Josh Billings (1876)
I am poor, and I am glad that i am, for i find that wealth makes more people mean than it duz generous.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I dont never hav enny trouble in regulating mi own kondukt, but tew keep other pholks straight iz what bothers me.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I never hav seen a bigot yet but what had a small and apparently braneless hed--bit i hain't seen all the bigots, yu know.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I beleave in the universal salvashun ov men, but I want tew pick the men.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
When i cum akrost people who are perfeklty krazy for ventilashun, i say to miself, "that kritter was brought up in a windmill."
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided—it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.
Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Misplaced charity iz a good blunder tew make. If yu want tew git a good general idea ov a man's karakter find out from him what hiz opinion ov his nabor iz.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)