98 quotes
Misanthropy don't pay--thare aint no man living whoze hate the world cares one cuss for.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Men are often praized for their sagassity, but all the fore sight in the world kant tell a dubble yelked egg untill it iz broken.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Nature never makes blunders; when she makes a fool she means it.
Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Thare iz but phew people in this world underrated.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I don't rekoleckt now ov ever hearing ov two dogs fiteing unless thare waz a man or two around.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
When a man gits tew talking about himself, he seldum fails tew be eloquent, and often reaches the sublime.
Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Thare iz this mutch kan be sed in favour ov good-breeding, it iz the only thing that kan make a phool endurable.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
I don't suppoze thare haz ever lived a man without a single virtew. Even Judas Iskariot "went and hanged himself."
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
"Familiarity breeds kontempt." This only applies tew men, not tew hot bukwheat slapkakes, well buttered and sugared.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
As a gineral thing, when a woman wares the britches, she has a good rite tew them.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
There iz only one good substitute for the endearments ov a sister, and that iz the endearments ov sum other pheller's sister.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
The man who pitys everyboddy, wants watching, for the chances are that he iz gitting phatt slily on other peoples misfortunes.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Politeness iz often wasted, but it iz a good and cheap mistake tew make.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Thare are but dredful phew people who kan talk ten minnits tew yu without lugging into the conversashun their bak or stummuk akes.
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
The wheel that squeaks the loudest
Is the one that gets the grease.
I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.
Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.
Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Yung man, don't grind yure scythe all on one side!
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.