60 quotes
"Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. And Mrs. Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father, or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action."
Catch-22 (1961)
Clevinger was dead. That was the basic flaw in his philosophy.
Catch-22 (1961)
Vanity. What's wrong with vanity? It doesn't satisfy.
God Knows (1984)
If the chance ever comes to you to fall in love, grab it, every time. You might always live to regret it, but you won't find anything to beat it, and you won't know if it will come to you once more.
God Knows (1984)
"You know, that might be the answer — to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed of. That's a trick that never seems to fail."
Catch-22 (1961)
God had no need for Ecclesiastes to acquaint Him with vanity.
God Knows (1984)
"Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?"
"There is no heaven. There is no hell."
"There is no heaven? There is no hell?"
"That's all in your mind."
God Knows (1984)
Love is potent stuff, isn't it?
God Knows (1984)
This time Milo had gone too far. Bombing his own men and planes was more than even the most phlegmatic observer could stomach, and it looked like the end for him...Milo was all washed up until he opened his books to the public and disclosed the tremendous profit he had made.
Catch-22 (1961)
The case against Clevinger was open and shut. The only thing missing was something to charge him with.
Catch-22 (1961)
Everybody is as unstable as water.
God Knows (1984)
"Let someone else get killed!"
"Suppose everyone on our side felt that way?"
"Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?"
Catch-22 (1961)
"Climb, you bastard! Climb, climb, climb, climb! "
Catch-22 (1961)
No one who ever wants praise will be satisfied with praise, the person who wants love cannot be satisfied with love. No want is ever fulfilled. And therefore I still don't know whether it is better to fear God and keep His commandments or to curse God and die.
God Knows (1984)
I'm not even sure we really had that much need for God as much as we did seem to have a need to believe in Him.
God Knows (1984)
He who steals my purse steals trash, but he that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him, and makes me poor indeed. (Shakespeare's Othello said it first.)
God Knows (1984)
"But I make a profit of three and a quarter cents an egg by selling them for four and a quarter cents an egg to the people in Malta I buy them from for seven cents an egg. Of course, I don't make the profit. The syndicate makes the profit. And everybody has a share."
Catch-22 (1961)
"How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?"
Catch-22 (1961)
The end result of experiencing terror and injury is not an increase in compassion, but a tendency toward callousness.
Disputed
There’s a big cocktail party on Martha’s Vineyard. Someone comes up to this writer, I think it’s Joseph Heller, and says, “Joe, see that guy over there? He’s a hedge fund manager, and he made more money yesterday than you made on all the books you have ever published.” Heller looks over, pauses, and says, “Yeah, but I have something he’ll never have: enough.”
Attributed