60 quotes
"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on."
Catch-22 (1961)
When one is infatuated, faults are endearing that in others would be heinous.
God Knows (1984)
The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
God Knows (1984)
The years are too short, the days are too long.
Something Happened (1974)
The last thing any sensible human being should want is immortality. As it is, life lasts too long for most of us.
God Knows (1984)
There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind.
Catch-22 (1961)
The wise man dies no better or more wisely than the fool. In what way, then, is the wise man wise?
God Knows (1984)
All is vanity, you know, ALL in the long run is but vanity and vexation of spirit.
God Knows (1984)
I hate God and I hate life. And the closer I come to death, the more I hate life.
God Knows (1984)
Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery or simple bad luck.
God Knows (1984)
Women don't suffer from penis envy. Men do.
Something Happened (1974)
I think I may have been the first grown man in the world to fall truly, passionately, sexually, romantically and sentimentally in love. I practically invented it.
God Knows (1984)
I am arrogant enough to wish I were modest as he and modest enough to know that this is arrogance.
God Knows (1984)
In my middle years, I have exchanged the position of the fetus for the position of a corpse.
Something Happened (1974)
There is wisdom in madness and strong probability of truth in all accusations, for people are complete and everybody is capable of everything
God Knows (1984)
"If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?"
God Knows (1984)
When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
Something Happened (1974)
I imagine that God Himself frequently wants to feel like a king. Why else would He create the world?
God Knows (1984)
The God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make him out to be.
Catch-22 (1961)
Anyone seeking public office was not worthy to hold it.
Portrait of an Artist, as an Old Man (2000)