83 quotes
I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.
If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more fucking time. But I would really settle for less fucking tragedy.
The Daily Show (1999)
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
The American people. For their just utter patience.
The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.
They haven't met a war they won't sign up for, and they haven't met a veteran they won't screw over!
In response to the PACT Act initially being held up in the Senate (2021)
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.
Crossfire Appearance (2004)
You don't support the troops; you support the war machine!
In response to the PACT Act initially being held up in the Senate (2021)
Comedy doesn't change the world, but it's a bell-weather.
Why no women, blacks, or non-Christians have answered the founders' challenge is a mystery, though most indications point to some inherent genetic flaw.
America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (2004)
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)
The absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all—which, by the way, thank you both.
Truth is, we're not a "sacrifice for the greater good" kind of species.
The Problem with Jon Stewart (2021)
I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something."
Authoritarians are the threat -- to comedy, to art, to music, to thought, to poetry, to progress, to all those things!
30 AD: Death penalty debate heats up after controversial execution of alleged "Son of God".
America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (2004)
You think regular people get to surround themselves with a meat shield of henchmen to go to prison in their place?
The Problem with Jon Stewart (2021)