Quotes from New in Town — John Mulaney
born 1982 United States
← All quotes by John Mulaney
6 quotes
It is so much easier not to do things than to do them that you would do anything is totally remarkable.
New in Town (2012)
In terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.
New in Town (2012)
A "hero" is any man who does his job. You a lot of times see headlines that are like, "hero tutor teaches after school", and you're like, yeah.
New in Town (2012)
When I was in grade school, I was bullied for being Asian American. And the biggest problem with that is that I am not Asian American.
New in Town (2012)
You know those days when you're like, "this might as well happen". Adult life is already so goddamn weird.
New in Town (2012)
I'm one of the worst drivers I have ever seen, and I just want you all to know that, if you're ever on the highway behind me, I hear you honking, and I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing.
New in Town (2012)