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Quotes from Kid Gorgeous — John Mulaney

born 1982 United States

← All quotes by John Mulaney

9 quotes

Building a gazebo in the middle of the civil war, that'd be like doing stand-up comedy now.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

I don't know what my body is for other than just taking my head from room to room.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

You spend most of your day telling a robot that you're not a robot. Think about that for two minutes and tell me you don't want to walk into the ocean.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

Famous people are weird as shit. They're all weird. Your suspicions are correct.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

Now, I don't know if you've been following the news, but I've been keeping my ears open, and it seems like everyone everywhere is super-mad about everything all the time.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

The world is run by robots, and we spend most of our day telling them that we're not a robot just to log on and look at our own stuff.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

I'm gross. I have hair on my shoulders now. I don't even have a joke for that, that's how much I hate that shit.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

That's how I walk into rooms. I'm 35 years old, I am six feet tall. I lower myself, I go, "Hi. Knock knock." I say "knock, knock" out loud.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn't.

Kid Gorgeous (2018)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: John Mulaney (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.