36 quotes
Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
I think the most un-American thing you can say is, “You can't say that.”
The Nastiest Things Ever Said About Democrats (2006)
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
Precision Shooting : The Trapshooter's Bible (1998)
That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.
If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?
In electronic publishing, they're are no editors and if their are there not very good.
God writes a lot of comedy, Donna; the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
w:Happy to be Here (1983)
The funniest line in English is “Get it?” When you say that, everyone chortles.
We Are Still Married : Stories & Letters (1989)
I want to resume the life of a shy person.
There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Leaving Home (1987)
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
The Cat Lover's Book of Fascinating Facts : A Felicitous Look at Felines (1997)
We made our mistakes back in the 20th century, Lord knows, but we never nominated a man for president who brags about not reading.
A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.
Cherish the Minnesota State Fair. Wherever you find beauty and simplicity and truth, know that there is a committee somewhere planning to improve it --- don't let them do it.
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
Leaving Home (1987)
I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
Lake Wobegon Days (1986)
If the government can round up someone and never be required to explain why, then it's no longer the United States of America as you and I always understood it. Our enemies have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. They have made us become like them.
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
Lake Wobegon Days (1985)