4 quotes
I don't think I could stab somebody, 'cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh (2003)
You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with, "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"
Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh (2003)
Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant."
Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh (2003)
Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street. I'd be like, "Hey, so I guess I'll see you later," and he's like, "Whatever, queer."
Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh (2003)