87 quotes
Social justice warriors who are fond of governing by hashtag like to say that silence is violence. And we know that because it rhymes.
Sen. Chris Coons and Caitlin Flanagan, Natural Immunity (2021)
There is always going to be another variant. We cannot go on forever in permanent hair-on-fire, cancel Christmas, hand-jobs through a hazmat suit.
New Rule: Apply percussion to the Pandemic: Faulty Powers (2022)
We can't even reform the way we make pennies and nickels. This week we learn that making a penny now costs 2 cents and making a nickel costs 9 cents, which makes no sense.
Acknowledging progress isn't saying ‘we’re done’ or ‘we don’t need more’, and being gloomy doesn't make you a better person.
Progressophobia (2021)
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
Be More Cynical (2000)
If you, the citizen, deliberately vote for someone who won't give you healthcare over someone who will, you need to have your head examined. Except you can't afford to have your head examined.
I think we need to change that old saying, "I don't need a building to fall on me." Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick our head in the sand as a deep human impulse.
But I don't think there's ever been a time when the two sides just have two different sets of reality.
Larry King Live interview (2010)
It's not a sin, and it's certainly not inaccurate, to say we've come a long way, baby. Not mission accomplished, just a long way.
Progressophobia (2021)
But liberals, as usual in this era, have now gone too far in the other direction, they under-romanticizing America. They have no perspective.
The Lesson of Afghanistan (2021)
You can't give that to people to pass around and smudge up with their grimy fingers. But it didn't matter, because it never matters to these people because nothing they say is ever fact-checked.
Larry King Live interview (2010)
I don't fear A.I. anymore because it couldn't possibly be any more robotic than the humans who run things now.
New Rule: The Real Deep State/Stop in the Name of Gov (2023)
"Couples should explore their mutual fantasies." There's no such thing as a mutual fantasy. Yours bore us; ours offend you.
Victory Begins at Home (2004)
The Democrats do have a better product, as bad as they are.
Larry King Live interview (2010)
We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.
The Golden Goose Special (1997)
NPR said it sounds like Chappelle is using white privilege to excuse his homophobia and transphobia. Wait, now Dave Chappelle can have white privilege? I'm really confused now.
Andrew Yang & John McWhorter on Dave Chappelle and 'Transphobia (2021)
This country has fuck-up fatigue. That's when someone fucks up so much, that when they fuck up again, people go, "Well, what do you expect? He's a fuck-up." And that's fucked up!
The Decider (2007)
I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?
I'm Swiss (2005)
You know who's grabbing your kids at too young an age? Merck, Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline, by convincing you they're depressed, hyperactive or suffering from attention-deficit disorder and so they must all get medicated.
It exposed, I thought, a lot of aspects of this society we have which are not terribly positive — toxic masculinity, victim culture. Liberal hypocrisy, I think, was the big loser.
Toxic Femininity (2022)