361 quotes
RESPECTABILITY, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.
The Cynic's Word Book (1906)
IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
INVENTOR, n. A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
EXILE, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
GLUTTON, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but none in foul.
The Cynic's Word Book (1906)
CREDITOR, n. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
SCRIBBLER, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
LOCK-AND-KEY, n. The distinguishing device of civilization and enlightenment.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
END, n. The position farthest removed on either hand from the Interlocutor.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)