361 quotes
EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
DARING, n. One of the most conspicuous qualities of a man in security.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
IRRELIGION, n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.
The Cynic's Word Book (1906)
RANK, n. Relative elevation in the scale of human worth.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
HOPE, n. Desire and expectation rolled into one.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
In Physicia Baal is still worshiped as Bolus, and as Belly he is adored and served with abundant sacrifice by the priests of Guttledom.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.
What I Saw At Shiloh (1881)
CURIOSITY, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
WIT, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
DICTATOR, n. The chief of a nation that prefers the pestilence of despotism to the plague of anarchy.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
LOOKING-GLASS, n. A vitreous plane upon which to display a fleeting show for man's disillusion given.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
BATTLE, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)