361 quotes
Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Apologize, v. To lay the foundation for a future offense.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
ADORE, v.t. To venerate expectantly.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
BEFRIEND, v.t. To make an ingrate.
The Cynic's Word Book (1906)
HABIT, n. A shackle for the free.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
RACK, n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now held in light popular esteem.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread per capita of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Egoist: a person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
The Cynic's Word Book (1906)
ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)