361 quotes
Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Liberty, n. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have never been able to find a living specimen of either.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
COMPROMISE, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
ABACOT, n. A cap of state wrought into the shape of two crowns, formerly worn by kings. Very pretty monarchs had it made in the form of three crowns.
A toy which people cry for,
And on their knees apply for,
Dispute, contend and lie for,
And if allowed
Would be right proud
Eternally to die for.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London -- "Rubbish may be shot here."
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for securing individual profit without individual responsibility.
Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Confidant, Confidante, n. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Backbite, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)