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Whenever a thousand or so of his men would fall off an Alp, he [Hannibal] would tell the rest to cheer up, the elephants were all right. If someone had given him a shove at the right moment, much painful history might have been avoided.

— Will Cuppy The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody (1950)

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More quotes by Will Cuppy

I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.

The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn't say.

How to Attract the Wombat (1949)

The male is colored much more gorgeously than the female so that he can be shot and made into feather embroidery.

How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes (1931)

Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Will Cuppy (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.