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I got $25 from Reader's Digest last week for something I never said. I get credit all the time for things I never said. You know that line in You Bet Your Life? The guy says he has seventeen kids and I say: "I smoke a cigar, but I take it out of my mouth occasionally"? I never said that.

— Groucho Marx

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More quotes by Groucho Marx

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

Liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972)

Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

Halliwell’s Filmgoer’s Companion (1984)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Groucho Marx (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.