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If I do go to heaven, I'm going to do what every San Franciscan does who goes to heaven. He looks around and says, 'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco.'

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More quotes by Herb Caen

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.

The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever, but what's wrong with that, really?

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.

Martinis are like breasts, one isn't enough, and three is too many.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Herb Caen (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.