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In pulp fiction it is a rigid convention that the hero’s shoulders and the heroine’s balcon constantly threaten to burst their bonds, a possibility which keeps the audience in a state of tense expectancy. Unfortunately for the fans, however, recent tests reveal that the wisp of chiffon which stands between the publisher and the postal laws has the tensile strength of drop-forged steel.

— S. J. Perelman

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More quotes by S. J. Perelman

The main obligation is to amuse yourself.

I have Bright's disease and he has mine.

Fate was dealing from the bottom of the deck.

The Rising Gorge (1961)

Only the scenario writers are exempt. These are tied between the tails of two spirited Caucasian ponies, which are then driven off in opposite directions. This custom is called "a conference".

"Oh, son, I wish you hadn’t become a scenario writer!" she sniffled.
"Aw, now, Moms," I comforted her, "it’s no worse than playing the piano in a call house."

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: S. J. Perelman (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.