My name is Patrick, and I'm a biped carbon-based life form. In my spare time I enjoy walking upright and being warm-blooded, and I'm a Scorpio.* I live here … on planet Earth, a piece of rock orbiting a giant fireball in the middle of nowhere. I feel I belong here.

* I like to think I'm a Scorpio, though actually I'm on the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius. However, I pledged my allegiance to Scorpio years ago, like you do when you live in a city with two football teams; you've got to pick one, and I picked Scorpio because it sounded better. In truth I have no idea what birth sign I am, and I don't care. But I do have a Scorpio t-shirt because I think it's important to have an identity, however false and pointless.