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Listen, this is crazy. I look like I'm 75 years old. Nobody wants to watch an old man being funny. That's just a fact. No one wants to see this old man on TV.

— Larry David

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More quotes by Larry David

If every student was like me in college, we'd still be in Vietnam.

He's not an asshole, he's just shy. I think you have shy/asshole confusion, my friend.

A lot of sexual harassment stuff in the news, and I couldn't help but notice a very disturbing pattern emerging, which is that many of the predators, not all, but many of them are Jews

You know what? There's a jetstream of bullshit coming out of your mouth, my friend ...

Curb Your Enthusiasm season 4 episode 4 The Weatherman (2004)

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Larry David (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.