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I rang room service, and asked for a bottle of Perrier, because while I was asleep someone had come in and carpeted my throat.

— Alan Coren The Sanity Inspector (1974)

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More quotes by Alan Coren

Apart from cheese and tulips, the main product of the country is advocaat, a drink made from lawyers.

The Sanity Inspector (1974)

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

The Sanity Inspector (1974)

Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a Wirtschaftswunder, which can be briefly translated as "The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one."

The Sanity Inspector (1974)

Disneyworld ... is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin's, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan's. It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.

The word "souvenir" has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless; but even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.

The Sanity Inspector (1974)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Alan Coren (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.