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My life [is] a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabbalah center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that's what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.

— Jon Stewart College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)

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More quotes by Jon Stewart

I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.

If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more fucking time. But I would really settle for less fucking tragedy.

The Daily Show (1999)

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

The American people. For their just utter patience.

The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Jon Stewart (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.