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I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That's not funny.

— Dane Cook Harmful If Swallowed (2003)

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More quotes by Dane Cook

I invite her back to my apartment, or as I call it, the "Death Star." I'm still working on it, it's not completely operational.

Tourgasm (2006)

"Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doin' 80?!"

Harmful If Swallowed (2003)

Who doesn't like movies? Who has ever said, "Hey, you wanna go see a movie?" "Fuck that and fuck your movies! It’s ridiculous, the whole idea of it! It’s just wrong and fake and NO!"

Vicious Circle (2006)

All Dane Cook quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Dane Cook (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.