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As stated earlier, I am a pessimistic optimist, or what I like to call a "pissed-omist." This is a person who has lived long enough to know not to expect much from most people or life in general, but still allows him- or herself the hope that somewhere under all the horseshit there may possibly be a pony.

— Brad Garrett When the Balls Drop (2015)

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More quotes by Brad Garrett

Pride can make you look like a dick if you're not careful.

When the Balls Drop (2015)

As a side note, I'd like to propose that aim is more mathematical than we tend to acknowledge. For me, it's: smallish dick ÷ long torso = distance to bowl.

When the Balls Drop (2015)

The goons needed some comic relief, and I needed an audience. I had found my niche.

When the Balls Drop (2015)

When I hit the six-foot mark at thirteen, I noticed the majority of the population was in denial with regard to my athletic potential. The townspeople refused to believe that I couldn't play ball.

When the Balls Drop (2015)

"I was such a large sperm, my mother went into labor during conception."

When the Balls Drop (2015)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Brad Garrett (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.